You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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