I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
