Pappa wants mamma naked
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
