Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
