I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
