Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
