Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
