you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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