Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
