i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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