Tell her she can't have a vagina
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
