does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
