I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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