he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
