My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize