I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
