We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
they're like a gay fantastic four
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
