The maid of honor just puked.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
