Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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