Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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