Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Randomize
