I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
