i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
