Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
