there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize