I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
