you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
