just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
