you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
