What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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