There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
