We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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