An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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