1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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