somebody snuck up and got me drunk
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
