Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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