soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
