alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
