You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
