just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
