Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
