Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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