i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
