it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
