i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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