She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
