I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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