Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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