i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
