Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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