i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
