where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
