i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
