You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
