at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
