he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
