He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
