all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
