hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
