RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
