this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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