I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
