this boner is exhausting
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
